you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
