I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
