"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
