Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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