is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
