where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
