She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
