I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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