Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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