Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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