I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
