Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
