suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
