this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
