You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
