i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
