Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
