Plan B is the new Plan A
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
