Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
