I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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