I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
