so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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