True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize