I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
