I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
