dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
