That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize