Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
