I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
