I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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