I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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