Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
