I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
