he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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