I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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