I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
