Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
