Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
