Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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