You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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