shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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