Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
where are my eyebrows?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
