I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I want a musical about memes.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
