I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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