This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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