And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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