Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize