so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
