Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
