That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
