it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
