if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
