he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
