when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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