please come you make the beer taste better
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
my liver is dry heaving
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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