Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
