Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You have to summon your inner elephant
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
