Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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