he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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