I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
