I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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