We won't sleep together?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
