Just fell off a train. Bad.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
false alarm, still single
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
