Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
