Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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