Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
