You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
